Here I Stand....

"Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard..." Sarah McLachlan, I Will Remember You

....will you join me?

I started this blog a few years ago when I was on the threshold of menopause. Now that I've passed through that particular gate, I found two more awaiting me... one called "Divorce" and the other "Breast Cancer." This is my journey through both.

I appreciate the company of friends.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Eight months, ten days

That's how long it's been since I bled.  My last period began on my fifth wedding anniversary; the one before that on the summer solstice.  I knew I was supposed to pay attention to that one: it coincided with the conception of my granddaughter who was born on my birthday.

I never lack for signs, but I haven't always paid attention as closely as I should.  I want to change that.  This blog is part of that intention. 

Today is the feast of Hecate, goddess of the crossroads, gateways and trash.  In the trinity of Goddesses I honor, she is the Crone, the one who stands beside the final gate.  As I peer through this one, I can see that last one faintly outlined, taking shape.  It doesn't exactly please me, but it doesn't exactly terrify me either.  I'm  more afraid of what the manner of my death might be, than actually dying.  

So here I stand, perched on the final physical passage of my body before its last.  And what I see is a land littered by terrified women clinging to their youth on one hand and a lot of very graceful, beautiful women living rich and vibrant lives on the other.  I'm sure you know on which side of the divide I intend to fall. 

Today I dedicate myself to the journey.  Blessed be. 



  1. Good morning. I too am in this journey although it appears to be a bit "newer" for me. I have to save I hope that neither one of us sees the final gate for a very long time ... we have too many things left to do and see before we cross through the gate (at least that's my hope).

  2. Each gate along the path of life (and death) is a blessing, challenges, joys and all. Of this I am certain. And I feel that the women (and men) who pass through them with grace are those that acknowledge not only the path they wander (and by wander, I mean choose), but also the unavoidable gates along the way AND their relationship with every step.

    This is among the most vital challenges for me (in this moment, anyway) ~ maintaining an honest and candid relationship with the journey, those steps, *and* the gates of transformation along the way.

    So far, I am pleased with myself and my relationship with the journey, the gates along the way … with my divinity. I too look forward to this, the red gate of my waxing power, and of nurturing a more intimate relationship with goddess Hecate, for she has long been a ally to me.

    Beautiful blessings. Powerful blessings. To all of us.

    And thank you for putting this out there. For I am confident that I will be challenged by your witnessings and experiences ~ and I welcome that. And with your sharing I am confident that women who cling to the folly of youth and deny themselves the wisdom of the crone will likewise be challenged and ~ if they choose ~ benefit greatly and welcome the grace *and* Power they've earned along the way. Peace.

  3. thank you! it has been about 5 years for me too. i am loving life right now and anxious to see what the future bholds for me! i am now following you. great blog. if you have two seconds, come visit me! i would love that.

  4. thank you so much for leaving me your comments...i look forward to your particpation in the upcoming months!

  5. Hello! Found you through Creative Women of FB and am following along now. I just turned 39 and have 4 kids (littlest is 15 mos.) I'm a bit away but appreciate the wisdom.
    I blog at: if you'd like to visit ;0)

  6. Annie, I am through menopause - for awhile now. I am 62 years young and have NEVER felt more vibrant, alive and sexy than I do right now. I am so happy not to deal with the monthly thing any more, but your blog is an awesome way to deal with a topic that, for too long, has been kept quiet. I wish you an enlightened journey.
    Janet Paluch

  7. "I'm more afraid of what the manner of my death might be, than actually dying." I can so relate to this statement.

  8. I agree wholeheartedly with what "Dark Mother" said've written it perfectly. The older I get, the more loved ones that leave, the more (?-curious-?) I find myself about that final journey.


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