Here I Stand....

"Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard..." Sarah McLachlan, I Will Remember You

....will you join me?

I started this blog a few years ago when I was on the threshold of menopause. Now that I've passed through that particular gate, I found two more awaiting me... one called "Divorce" and the other "Breast Cancer." This is my journey through both.

I appreciate the company of friends.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

...And Mind Malfunctions

I distinguish a senior moment from a mind-malfunction.  They're what I call when I pound up or down the steps or stride into a room with great purpose, only to realize once I arrive at my destination I have no idea what I'm there for.  Although feeling like I've fallen into a black hole in my head is annoying, it doesn't bother me to the extent the senior moment I described yesterday. 

Mind malfunctions happen when I'm trying to think of more than one thing at once.  As one reader has already pointed out, this can happen to mothers a lot.  The antidote seems to be to slow down and stop trying to multitask.  There's nothing wrong with not zipping around like Speedy Gonzales (if that doesn't date me, I don't know what does) - its just antithetical to the way our culture spurs us to live our lives.  There's nothing wrong with rejecting the multi-tasking path; it's just not encouraged. 
What I was talking about yesterday was something all together different.  When I walk into a room and can't remember why I'm there, I just retrace my steps back to the point where I was before I decided I needed or wanted whatever it is.  Forgetting who wrote Madame Bovary was an entirely different kind of experience.  There was no place to go back to.... it was simply something I knew I knew....and couldn't retrieve. 

It was, I would imagine, something like what an Alzheimer's patient might feel in the early stages.  You know you know what the object in front of you is and what you use it for.  You just can't remember what. 

So... you might wonder.  What have I done it since?  After my moment of panic subsided - because, after all, one senior moment does not an Alzheimer's patient of us make - I decided to take a long look at what the culture tells me to do about it, and what I was going to do about it - if anything.  

1 comment:

  1. I (all to often and with increasing frequency) find myself asking, "What did I come in this room for?" Recently, too, I have been working to change the very pattern that has ruled (and well, I might add) a significant slice of my adult life ~ multitasking. I am working to change that pattern … to slow down, as you say … and honor the single task before me in the moment.

    And I can tell you, this is a mighty challenge for me, but one I feel is worthy.


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